Righteous Mind
Why fight between two people is a fight between two different value systems
It took me a long time to realize that arguments we argue about — aren’t always about facts. They are about values.
Reading Jonathan Haidt’s The Righteous Mind made this clearer that: be it liberals or conservatives, or activists or traditionalists — they’re all wired with different moral priorities—care, fairness, loyalty, authority, sanctity.
They feel different things are sacred. What seems obviously right to one clan feels intuitively wrong to another.
My partner and I had taken the Haidt’s moral foundations questionnaire together recently, and it was fun to see the contrast of responses in some of the questions: we both cared about fairness and compassion—but whenever I leaned toward equity, she leaned more towards loyalty and cultural continuity. Interesting!
Neither of us was wrong, but we realised we had different inner compasses. And without naming those differences, we mistook friction for betrayal.
