How I prepare for tough negotiations nowadays

Negotiations are hard. And I want to win most of them; whether it has to do with convincing my partner to choose the right destination for a tourist trip, or even convincing the business when it comes to a challenging matter. I want to convince all of them, and win them all, and I can’t take no for an answer.

I’ve been adamant, and I want to get through things the way I want. In some people, I have observed that they get what they want, even if I didn’t want to agree with them in the first place. I don’t know what mix of things these are, whether they are charisma, street-smartness, intelligence, and behavioral psychology hacks. I was convinced that there might be people out there who might be doing negotiations as their day jobs, day-in and night. It was also the time I saw the movie, Closer, which is about this negotiation expert who gets caught amidst a hijacking scene and attempts to save the hostages as well as rescue everyone from the situation with his negotiation skills. I wanted to learn.

And I found this book that I wanted to see if it could help me: it was called Never Split The Difference, and it talks about various tactics used by seasoned FBI negotiators who handle far tougher situations with terrorists, war mongerers etc, in getting them to agree into a position which they might have not thought of in the first place.

I’ve read the book multiple times on re-read, and have taken some dense notes in this process. Now, what I do now is to do enough homework before I enter into a tough negotiation. For starters, those who do their homework always win. I do this as a writing exercise to cover as much points as possible steelmanning-strawmanning the discussion, before I take it forward.

What do I want?

What is the minimum I need?

What is my BATNA?

What are they likely afraid of?

What bad thing are they already thinking about me?

What accusation audit line should I use?

What label will I open with?

What mirror might unlock more?

What what/how question will I ask?

What summary could earn “that’s right”?

What hidden unknown might matter most?

What is one cheap concession I can make?

How will I test this implementation?

References

Example involving approval for being a pilot:

Ask yourself before entering	Example answer
What do I want?	“Pilot approval.”
What is the minimum I need?	“Named owner, clear success metric, and no implied full rollout.”
What is my BATNA?	“Delay and escalate.”
What are they likely afraid of?	“Operational blame.”
What bad thing are they already thinking about me?	“I’m making my urgency their problem.”
What accusation audit line should I use?	“You may feel I’m asking your team to absorb risk before the practical questions are answered.”
What label will I open with?	“It sounds like this feels rushed from your side.”
What mirror might unlock more?	“Feels rushed?”
What what/how question will I ask?	“How would you make this safe enough to proceed?”
What summary could earn “that’s right”?	“So you need safety and clarity before commitment.”
What hidden unknown might matter most?	“Who gets blamed if this slips.”
What is one cheap concession I can make?	“Narrower pilot scope.”
How will I test implementation?	“How would this work in practice next week?”

Another example involving rental negotiation:

Ask yourself before entering	Example answer for rent negotiation
What do I want?	“Reduce rent from £1,850 to £1,700 for the next 12 months.”
What is the minimum I need?	“At least a reduction to £1,750 or a freeze with no increase for 12 months.”
What is my BATNA?	“Stay for now and start looking for alternatives, or move at end of term if no flexibility.”
What do they likely want?	“Stable income, no vacancy, no troublesome tenant, no extra admin.”
What do they likely fear?	“A void period, unreliable tenant, repair disputes, market softening, reletting costs.”
What bad thing are they already thinking about me?	“I’m just trying my luck, or I may become difficult or leave anyway.”
What accusation audit line should I use?	“You may feel I’m just pushing for a discount because it costs me nothing to ask.”
What label will I open with?	“It sounds like your priority is keeping the tenancy stable and avoiding disruption.”
What mirror might unlock more?	“Avoiding disruption?”
What calibrated question will I ask?	“How can we make this work in a way that gives you certainty and keeps the flat occupied?”
What summary could earn ‘that’s right’?	“So from your side the ideal outcome is a reliable tenant, on-time payment, and no costly turnover or uncertainty.”